29 year old vows never to have sex again

Published: 2013 January 31 14:35:14 (3589 Views)

A 29 year old woman has revealed that she finds sex disgusting and will spend the rest of her life celibate. here is here story.

"I am 29 and I have had three lovers, two of whom I lived with. I have tried to quell the disgust I feel at the prospect of sex, but have failed repeatedly to do so.

There is nothing physically wrong with me - doctors have confirmed this - and I am not afflicted by guilt. My parents had a healthy and open attitude to sex. There is no dark incident lurking in my past that would explain my abhorrence: I have not been abused nor mistreated, and I have never been coerced into having sex against my will.

I am not gay, and I feel no physical attraction towards women. I do not think anything is 'wrong' with me, although perhaps my attitude would have been considered less freakish if I had been born in the Victorian era.

I just hate sex, and have decided I will never put myself through the torture of it again. I am in my physical prime, but my sex life is over. I wish it were not so. My tragedy is that I want to be 'normal'. I crave the companionship of a man. I would love to be married; to build a home, to enjoy the comfort and domesticity of a life-long relationship with a partner I could cherish. I want to love and be loved.

I do not find men themselves abhorrent. On the contrary, I appreciate their looks and enjoy their company. I like cuddles, I don't mind kissing and I yearn for affection; but nothing more than that.

I have researched internet sites and discovered that only one per cent of the population is, like me, asexual. Of these, half are men and a smaller proportion is gay.

So I have resigned myself to the fact that there is scant chance of my finding a man I love who, like me, wants a celibate relationship.

I have not discussed my lack of libido with my parents - in a sense, this article is my 'coming out' - but I know it saddens them that the wedding and grandchildren they yearn for have not been forthcoming.

Perhaps they believe I just haven't met the right man yet. I can assure them, however, that I have persevered with sex for long enough to know that for me it is a misery and a penance.

Why should I endure it, just to make other people happy?

I have known since my teenage years that I am different from my peers. I grew up in Buckinghamshire, where I still live with my parents, and attended a girls' grammar school.

While my friends were devouring teen fiction and sniggering over the salacious nuances in it, I was immersed in animal stories. I found sex-education lessons alien and embarrassing: I did not see how they could ever apply to me.

I haven't discussed my problem with anyone. Whenever female friends have discussed sex I played along, pretending I shared their interest in it.

My strategies for avoiding sex had run out and so, as the inevitable happened, I simply hoped my boyfriend could not tell that I was enduring, rather than enjoying, our encounter.

John was a virgin when we met, so I assume he did not realise how strange and dysfunctional our perfunctory couplings were.

We'd abstain for months until, finally, he'd start bribing me with gifts to go to bed with him. But I loathed it. I dreaded the foreplay, and the act itself repulsed me. I could only bear it by focusing my mind on something else.

It's not that John was a particularly inept lover - he wanted very much to please me - nor was this a terminal case of bedroom boredom. The problem is that I have always detested sex: the idea of it, the fact of it, and the repellent notion that society seems to revolve around it.

John knew I hated sleeping with him - we were together too long for that not to have been obvious - but it became the elephant in the room. We didn't discuss it; I think we both feared that would make the problem worse.

Seven months ago, I began to wonder if anyone else shared my problem. I stumbled on a website called Asexuality Visibility & Education Network. Actually, it was a comfort to discover there are others in the world who never want to have sex.

And by writing this article, I hope more people will be emboldened to admit they feel the same way as me.

But there aren't many of us, and I know my chances of finding an asexual partner - a man I love but who never wants to have a physical relationship - are remote.

Still, I hope that one day I may discover him and marry. I do not want children of my own. The idea of carrying a baby repulses me as much as the act of procreation itself. I feel it is unnatural.

People say that, as I get older, I may change my mind. I wish I could say there was a glimmer of hope that I would, but I have absolutely no sense of a biological clock ticking. If ever I do want children, I will adopt.

My mind is made up: I will not have sex again. This may consign me to a lonely life, but it is better than deceiving a man a love. A relationship based on such a sham is the ultimate lie.

- DM

Tags: sex, asexual, celibate,

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